Who are ISTPs aka Craftsman?

Cognitive functions:

Ti-hero

Se-parent

Ni-child

Fe-inferior

Interaction styles: Direct, Responding and Movement (finisher type)

Temperaments: Concrete, Pragmatic and Interest (SP type, aka Artisans; live-in-moment, mechanical aptitude, test the rules and traditions)

Characteristics:

• ISTPs are the handymen or handywoman. The pairing of Ti-hero and Se-parent makes them good at doing practical jobs inside/outside the house and handling mechanics work, such as installation or repair of furniture, appliances and other mechanical work. Their brilliance often shines on logical mind and the awareness of the physical environment makes them excellent tools users and reliable drivers.

• Ti-hero means ISTPs are very logical, analytical. they are good at reasoning deductions and problem-solving. For them, it’s important to know how things work and the truth of things. They are not easy to be fooled or tricked. They handle life in pragmatic ways.

• They could be distant and blunt on the surface, but they could be empathic and caring when they are aspired to develop their Fe-inferior.

• They are usually not connected to their feelings, therefore it’s difficult for them to verbalise feelings. Most ISTPs are male, that’s why oftentimes men are labelled as thinkers not feelers. Try not to ask them "how do u feel?" It's better to ask them "what do think?" That's a easier way for them to express themselves so that you could understand them better.

• With Ni-child, they have great sense of willpower. Once they know what they want in life, they are focused and determined.

• Generally speaking, they tend to focus on what’s happening in the moment, not the past or the future. They are often a rational optimists who take realistic assessment of what is going on in the world and choosing to be positive and joyful regardless. A great companion to be with in difficult times.

How to cope with overwhelming emotions?

RAPID method:

R: Recognise and identify the emotions: the primary (on the surface) and the secondary ones (hidden ones). For instance, you feel angry (primary emotion) when your friend betray you. Deep down, you are feeling hurt and be sadden (secondary emotions) by the betrayal. Usually there are multiple layers of emotions, learn more about emotions before trying to manage them.

A: Acknowledge/accept: After you recognise your feelings, acknowledge and fully accept them as they are, no matter how raw or ugly they might be. It’s an important process. The more honest you are with yourself, the more emotional awareness you gain, the greater chance you can cope with them in a constructive way.

One important note is that there is no bad emotion, emotion is merely a reflection of your inner world.

P: Pause: Give a moment or two to process your thoughts and emotions before acting out. Let your rational mind/prefrontal cortex process the information, don’t let your amygdala to hijack your mind. We are human beings not animals without rational minds and willpower.

I: Investigate your roots of your emotions: Why do I feel how I feel? Why am I so triggered? What do I value? What are the triggering points? Are there related to my past trauma? What’s it holding me back moving forward? Self-exploration and courage is needed. If the emotion keeps repeating and seems to be out of control. It has disrupted your relationships and life, please seek help from trained helping professionals.

D: Distance: Distance means you give yourself some spaces to breathe deeply, feel the energy of the emotions and reflect on them.

If you want to be the master of your mind and emotions, you have to practise self-reflections on a daily basis. Face and start the healing process of your past traumas.

In this stage, you will be fully aware of your emotional triggers, what infuriates/excites/worries/makes you insecure.

With that foundations, you can build up your confidence to control your emotions. You will be able to respond to situations with rational minds, instead of reacting with impulsions.

Emotional intelligence including the components of self-awareness, and awareness of others. Learn how to manage and master emotions, it always start from yourself.

Infidelity

想寫這個主題很久了，但一直提不起勁把它寫完，因為難度很高，這是人性的黑暗且非常真實的一面。這有可能是一篇顛覆傳統、主流、道德、宗教信仰思想的文章。

我發表這篇文章的原意不是要叫大家摒棄道德觀、信仰之類…而是引發大家去深思，大家一直遵循的，是否還適用於現在這個時代呢？

真理就是真理，它是不會隨著時間、時代不同而變成不是真理，但問題是有很多人把道德、信條來約束、勒索別人（power over others)，甚至借信仰之名來邊緣化異類…信仰有它的排他性，但也是共融性，人往往很容易曲解了真理，這裡另外的話題，留待下次再討論吧。

若在探討不忠的議題上，大家還是停留於誰對誰錯、責任等問題，那實在是過於表面及膚淺了，亦無助於解決問題。

在我的工作範疇，經常有機會聽到、接觸到受不忠影響的家庭、人士，無論是婚姻關係、異性、同性親密關係，各種形形式式都有，來求助的9成9都是被拋棄的一方，女性佔大多數，而在這些女性裡，大部分都會選擇繼續留在被背叛的關係裡，以「隻眼開隻眼閉」的方式繼續與另一半生活。

這是我不驚訝的結果，因為即便是21世紀新世代的女性，我所認識、接觸的女性佔大多數都是比較傳統，家庭對她們來說是最重要的，沒有比孩子在完整的家庭成長更重要的事了，所以個人感受、心理健康、身體健康等在這看來是微不足道…

我有時不禁問起我的個案：「你是要拿貞節牌坊嗎？」 她們的回應都是沉默+苦笑…沒有人能正面回應這個問題。

女性為何要為難自己，活得這麼辛苦？正正因為女性這樣的犧牲精神，間接助長了男性繼續的出軌行為。不要誤會，我不是在替男性出軌的行為找藉口，而這是真真實實的情況；自古而來，男性為了保持他們的地位、土地，要不斷的傳宗接代，這是歷史任務，這也解釋了為何在社會進步的過程中，一夫多妻的婚姻制度還是沒有被淘汰。

婚姻制度存在的原因，其實不是因為愛情，而是為了解決繼承財產、土地的問題，這是個很現實的社會問題。所以，不要看婚姻那麼神聖，它只是一個具社會用途的盟約，是結婚當下許下的承諾，並不代表是一生一世，”until death do us part.” 我並不否認，在眾人面前宣讀結婚誓言（vow)的神聖與感動，但現實是殘酷的，到底有多少人的婚姻面臨重大危機，但礙於傳統道德思想的捆綁，被困在苦不堪言的窘境裡…過著得過且過、有一天算一天的生活裡。

最恐怖的是即便女人為了家庭內心受那麼多的委屈、掙扎、苦難，男人卻能繼續在外面風流快活，而且把問題責任都到掉到女人身上…賠上自己的快樂、青春、時間、幸福、身心靈的健康，卻換來責怪或冷漠無情的態度，你留住了他的身體，心跟靈魂卻不在了，還有所謂「完整」的家庭，以及經濟上的穩定。我會問一句：「這樣值得嗎？」

如果你覺得值得，那你就繼續這樣的生活吧…我不會阻止你，但請你不要再問我為什麼他會這樣？為什麼我為他付出、犧牲那麼多，他還是不願意回家？到底外人的女人有什麼好？我有什麼比不上她？到底我要做些什麼他才會回心轉意？這類沒有答案且無助於解決問題、自我傷害問題。

你要問的是：「你是為了什麼要這樣忍辱負重？你的底線（界線）在哪裡？你的需要是什麼？你人生的先後次序是什麼？你對未來有什麼看法？孩子生活在這樣環境對他們有什麼影響？孩子會怎樣看待你處理婚姻問題的方法？」

如果你都能夠好好說服自己，心安理得，我能憑什麼來論斷你呢？